TheGirlsLife
Do you ever find yourself worrying that your friends secretly dislike you, even though they’ve given you no reason to think that? Or do you imagine that they have a secret group chat where they laugh at something weird you did last weekend? These thoughts can weigh on your mind and make you doubt and overthink your closest friendships. But here’s the thing: these thoughts are just anxiety-talking. Many people experience friendship anxiety, including myself.
There have been times when I’ve worried that my best friend hates me or that we’re not friends. But here’s the spoiler: we’ve been best friends for 20 years, and she has never hated me, despite what my anxiety tells me. This specific type of anxious thinking is known as friendship anxiety. In this article, we’ll explore this annoying symptom of anxiety and discuss strategies to keep these thoughts under control.
What is friendship anxiety?
Friendship anxiety is a common experience for many people throughout their lives. While there are various causes and symptoms of social anxiety, friendship anxiety specifically focuses on one aspect of social anxiety. According to Healthline, a physiological symptom of social anxiety is “intense worry before, during, and after a social situation.” Friendship anxiety shares similarities with social anxiety but isn’t an official medical diagnosis.
Haley (@YourAnxiousTherapist) on TikTok provides examples of friendship anxieties in a video: feeling replaceable among friends, worrying about being annoying or disliked by them, fearing exclusion from events or the possibility of them ending the friendship one day. Haley emphasizes that many people can relate to these feelings.
What causes friendship anxieties?
Anxiety can stem from various factors such as genetics or past experiences. The American Psychiatric Association states that the causes of anxiety disorders are still unknown but likely involve genetic, environmental, psychological, and developmental factors. Anxiety differs from person to person in terms of causes and coping mechanisms. Some individuals may feel anxious before social situations (social anxiety), while others may overthink their interactions after spending time with loved ones, leading to friendship anxiety.
How to manage friendship anxiety
The good news is that friendship anxiety can be managed effectively. It’s important to give yourself grace, prioritize self-care, and try out coping strategies like the ones outlined below.
Challenge your thoughts
One of the most valuable tips I’ve learned from my therapist is to challenge my thoughts when I find myself overthinking, especially in relationships. When you catch yourself overthinking about your friendships or a specific interaction, take a moment to pause. Reflect on what happened and challenge your anxious thoughts.
For example, if you’re wondering whether your friend enjoyed hanging out with you or was just pretending, pause and think back. Did they show any signs of not having a good time? Did they express enjoyment during the hangout and follow up with positive gestures afterward? If the latter scenario seems more likely based on what happened, remind yourself that your friend genuinely had a great time and that your friendship is strong.
Remember that these thoughts are just thoughts. Unless someone explicitly tells you they’re upset or no longer want to be friends with you, these anxieties stem from within rather than reflecting reality.
Seek support from your network
Therapists are trained to help individuals work through anxious thoughts and provide coping mechanisms. Seeking help from a professional therapist can be immensely beneficial in managing friendship anxiety. Additionally, reaching out to trusted friends and family can offer reassurance and support. It’s comforting to know that you’re not alone in experiencing friendship anxiety and sharing your fears and experiences with others can provide a sense of solidarity.
Practice mindfulness
Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine can play a significant role in your overall well-being. It’s particularly helpful for grounding yourself during moments of friendship anxiety. Engaging in activities such as meditation, journaling, or repeating affirmations when you feel overwhelmed can be effective ways to practice mindfulness.
Consider implementing a mindfulness practice before or after spending time with friends. This could involve something as simple as looking in the mirror and repeating positive affirmations, writing down your thoughts on paper to gain clarity, or engaging in a short five-minute meditation session. These small acts have the potential to make a big impact on your mindset, helping you approach social interactions with more positivity and confidence while also reducing feelings of friendship anxiety afterward.
Engage in value-based actions
Authenticity is key when it comes to friendships. Show people who you truly are by aligning your actions with your values. Tannia Duenas (@TheHealingTherapist) suggests clarifying your values within friendships and acting accordingly: “Focus on the quality of connection rather than perceived judgments or expectations.” If being supportive is important to you, ensure that you bring support into your friendships by offering encouragement or checking up on how someone is doing when they seem upset. By staying true to yourself, avoiding trying too hard just for the sake of being liked, and being a good friend based on your values, you’ll attract genuine friendships that align with who you are while keeping feelings of friendship anxiety at bay.
Remember that managing friendship anxiety takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself as you navigate these thoughts and emotions. With the right strategies and support, you can develop healthier perspectives on your friendships and cultivate stronger connections with the people who truly value and appreciate you.
